hotel room ftw
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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