They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
