she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
