She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
