Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ketchup is God's man juice
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
