We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
