Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
