none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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