So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
