I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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