im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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