thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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