don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
