i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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