she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
