apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
