I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
