dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All the doctor said was why
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
