Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
