you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
