I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
