he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drunk is a universal language darling
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
