OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
