Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
sex in a hospital.. check
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
