You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
