The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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