her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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