The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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