The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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