he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
