there's paper in my vomit.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
