I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Four minutes until I can fart!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
