I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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