respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
