You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i would punch a child for taco bell
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
