I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
