so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
