when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
