I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
