Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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