My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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