I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This baby is an asshole
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
