If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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