i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
