so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
