This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
