i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
