My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How's work?
Spinning.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
