is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
