**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
