and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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