I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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